


Picturing Your Body With Somebody Else

by TheForgottenDreams



Series: I Said 'I Love You' [17]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Brotp, F/F, F/M, M/M, ice cream and films
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-11 00:24:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7867792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheForgottenDreams/pseuds/TheForgottenDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire craved Enjolras, craved his voice, his touch, his ridiculous curls and his bright eyes. Grantaire had always had an addictive personality and Enjolras had been the most addictive drug, a drug he’d quit cold turkey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Picturing Your Body With Somebody Else

The pictures were another collection of knives in heart, to go with the axe and the sword and the dagger and the wooden stake and the scissors and the stilettoes and any other stabby weapons that had accumulated over the past months and all of them had Enjolras’ name on – apart from the high heels, Grantaire still didn’t know the name of the girl they belonged to.

Due to his lack of self-preservation he had to scroll through the pictures over and over again. He’d heard about it, Musichetta had mentioned it briefly by accident, but Grantaire had thought it was a lie, thought he would have waited until at least six months maybe a year or fifty since they officially finished to get a new boyfriend, no, just a boyfriend because Grantaire had never been that. How had he expected Enjolras to stay single for long, the man was beautiful, undeniably so, why was he still hoping they had a chance?

But here he was, wrapped in the arms of some guy with dark hair and dark eyes and though the other man was smiling at the blond, Enjolras wasn’t, he didn’t look good, too pale, too skinny, too sick. Grantaire’s heart hurt at the sight, his eyes blurred and his head went fuzzy. 

There were more pictures and Grantaire saw them all because his self-preservation died a long time ago. The two of them out for a meal, or having a lazy day in, photos of Enjolras writing songs, performing, the man hugging him at the end, them kissing. In each one Enjolras looked less and less like himself, less radiant and golden, he seemed to change from this beautiful god to an average person and Grantaire knew it was the man, Olivier the caption told him, it was Olivier bringing him down. 

And then Grantaire could see it, Enjolras’ body with this man’s, see their skin together, moving, slick with sweat, the scars on Enjolras hands from his fights trailing along Olivier’s, their lips together, hair tangled, fingers locked, arms wrapped around each other. The sound of Enjolras rasping the other man’s name, when it should be Grantaire’s, the heavy breathing, the panting. 

It was too much. 

Grantaire had told himself he didn’t want Enjolras anymore, didn’t love him, didn’t need him in his life but it didn’t matter how many times he repeated it, how many times he tried to convince himself and the band, it wasn’t true. Grantaire craved Enjolras, craved his voice, his touch, his ridiculous curls and his bright eyes. Grantaire had always had an addictive personality and Enjolras had been the most addictive drug, a drug he’d quit cold fucking turkey. 

“R?” Cosette’s voice ran through the apartment but he kept quiet. She’d find him eventually; his apartment wasn’t big.

He kept his eyes on the phone though he hadn’t been able to see it for the blurriness of his eyes for a while. The pen he’d been writing with was still in his hand, mid stroke, the ink bleeding into the paper, removing the words he’d etched there. A letter. To Enjolras ironically. It didn’t matter now.

“R? Oh there you are.” Cosette’s voice was tired, very tired. She too had lost her radiance since their groups broke apart. They all had. Grantaire knew Cosette’s misery was because of Éponine, knew something had gone wrong there, but when he asked Cosette said he was the main focus and she could wait. Well no more.

“Cosette, tell me what’s wrong, what happened with you and Éponine?” Grantaire asked, blinking back the water in his eyes and turning to look at her, his phone was still open, still showing the picture of Enjolras and Olivier kissing. Cosette was too far away to see it. “You’ve been sad for a long time.”

“Only if we eat ice cream and watch soppy movies together after.” She said, smiling but it didn’t touch her eyes, hadn’t touched her eyes in far too long. 

God, life was a shithole. 

“Obviously.” He answered. 

“Okay.” She nodded, taking some deep breaths, “Okay, so you know I had a crush on her, well she had one on me too and we did something about it and it was great, but we didn’t tell everyone because it was new and fragile and we wanted to see if we had a chance first. So it was great for a few weeks and I suggested we tell everyone and she agreed but then she turned cold, she barely spoke to me, ignored me and so I turned to Marius because he’s there, he’s always been there and he’s adorable and sweet and so I kissed him. A few times. 

“Okay, quite a few times. But it was because I felt lonely and I needed someone and she wasn’t there for me and then that made her mad and then you and Enjolras broke up and then she made you cry and I went and yelled at her about how she freezes everyone out and she yelled at me about how I love too much and we fought about you and Enjolras, we fought about Marius, we fought about us, she said she didn’t want to be loved, didn’t want me and- I left and I haven’t seen her since and-

“I just, I’ve been stupid and Marius is lovely, he is and he’s been so supportive and kind but he knows it’s Éponine I really want and he’s being patient and he’d be such a good boyfriend if only I hadn’t met her.”

It gushed out of her like water from a broken damn in the form of words and tears and Grantaire wrapped his arms around her, holding her closely to his chest, she clung on, using him to support herself. Both emotionally and physically and the irony hit him pretty hard. 

“Do you regret it?” He asked.

And she pulled back looking into his eyes with a frown on his face, thinking. He could see it in her eyes, the past few months flickering in their cleaning fluid blue, her eyes were puffy and pink and her nose was a perfect imitation of Rudolph’s but she was still Cosette, still beautiful and brave.

“No.” She shook her head, “Oddly enough I don’t because the time we were happy together was amazing and the things I’ve learnt are so important.”

“Do you think you’ll get over her?” Grantaire wondered aloud.

“Are you going to get over Enjolras?” 

Touché. 

“Not the point but I have to; he has a boyfriend now.” Grantaire shrugged and Joly would be proud, he was always talking about the steps in a break up to becoming okay again and saying it out loud had to be a step to something right?

“Oh, R, I was hoping you wouldn’t find out.” Her face fell even more, if that was even possible. And fuck no, she did not get to be sad for him too when she felt that shitty.

“Nope, this is about you, you wanted movies and ice cream right? So we’ll eat ice cream and watch movies and find a solution okay?” Grantaire told her, putting an arm around her shoulder, walking out of his room to the living room, the sofa and the movies and ice cream it promised. “You’re always helping me and now it’s my turn to help you, so let me okay?”

“Okay.” She nodded, wrapping herself in her favourite blanket as he retrieved the ice cream and two spoons from the kitchen. He dived onto the sofa next to her, passing him the treasures before making himself into a blanket burrito and squashing in next to her, eating ice cream from the tub as one of her favourite old movies played on his TV. 

And in that moment it felt like everything would start to be okay again.

**Author's Note:**

> The song is Somebody Else - The 1975. 
> 
> I feel like these have all turned really saddening and I'm trying to spice them up a bit, but it's hard to make heartbreak fun. Heartbreak sucks, there's no other way to put it. I don't know, these parts are feeling a bit flat to me so I'm sorry if they read that way.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's left kudos or comments or bookmarks or has followed this series, you're all incredible.   
> You can find me on Tumblr as beelzebertha.


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